All parents are well familiar with feelings of irritation and annoyance when the child is capricious. You need to gather in a kindergarten, dress for a walk, brush your teeth, take a bath, get used to sleep, leave the store, and the child does not want to do all this and aching. How to be in this situation?
Observations and tips are shared by a child and family psychologist Ekaterina Kes.
What happens to the child when he begins to be capricious? At that moment, something bothers him, he is worried or wants something. He can be offended, angry, be upset, he can be painful, boring, insulting, uninteresting, hot, cold, he may need your attention, want to eat, sleep, drink, drink. Perhaps he is just tired. In other words, there may be many different causes for whims
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Often adults say: “Not!”,” Shut up “! “Shut up!”,” I can’t hear your nagging anymore “. But whether these phrases help to calm down or even more upset the baby? Let’s figure it out.
The phrase “non -no” does not give the child the feeling that an adult wants to hear him and understand him. Similar words are aimed at that he immediately stops doing what he does, because the adult does not like his behavior. But the child cannot submit to the team and the effort of will change his emotional state.
Stopping and prohibiting phrases have the opposite effect on the child: it becomes even more capricious
It’s even difficult for adults to manage emotions. We cannot just stop experiencing a particular feeling. What can we say about a small child!
That is why stopping and prohibiting phrases have the opposite effect on the child: it becomes even more capricious, cries louder, requires, rude, breaks out, or falls into hysteria. If you manage to keep yourself from the usual phrases, and instead distract and calm the child, then the situation can be changed.
If from the very beginning it is correct to respond to the behavior of the child, try to establish contact with him, switch attention or cheer, then most likely he will quickly calm down. And vice versa: if you demand “stop this minute”, ignore the needs, feelings and condition of the child, say a strict team voice, shame or threaten, then a whim of probability will grow into an uncontrollable hysteria.
How to react correctly?
1. Say out loud the possible reason that the child is happening
- “I see you are tired. Of course, today was a hard day, so you want to cry a little. I understand you”.
- “You are offended. You wanted us to buy it. But, unfortunately, we are in a hurry. Let’s look, maybe there is something interesting in my bag. “.
- “You were offended by me because I said that, and even so loud”
- “You don’t like these tights, and therefore you cry? You want something else. Let’s think about how to replace them … “
- “I understand, you don’t have a very good mood. You probably just want to be hugged. Come to me”.
So you are already trying to voice the condition of the child in the first phrase, say aloud what is happening to him, which is why he can worry. As a result, the baby feels that you are trying to understand it, and it becomes easier for you to “join” in his state. At this moment, you give him a message: “Mom (dad) hears you, understands, supports you”. The child feels this attitude and begins to understand himself better, to realize what is happening. It is very important. It also gives you time to think about what to do and what can be done in this situation.